for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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