the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
