Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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