I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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