I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
