She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
