East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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