can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
