I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
