I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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