whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
