all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
