when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
