Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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