And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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