You're so nebulous sometimes
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
