whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
