I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
