I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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