The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
