I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
