yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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