two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
