Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
