I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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