I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
