Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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