Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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