Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
