i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
