I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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