Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
