I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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