My first STD was from a foam party
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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