Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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