Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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