So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I cannot find my penis.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
