apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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