we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
