Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
