I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
