Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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