'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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