dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
