Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
