lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
