We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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