I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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