So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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