Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
