You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
