i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
