Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
